So, it´s been a while since I put anything worthwhile here. I know. Sorry. As is the ancient custom of ass-for-brains bloggers who never remember to post anything, I will now provide you with a suitable set of excuses as to why I´ve been holdin´ out on that sweet, sweet halfassed comedy you can get absolutely nowhere else on the Internet wheresoever.
But know, dear readers, that you have been on my mind. All four of you. Sometimes not a month goes by without my vaguely remembering your existence, at least on a theoretical level. Therefore, I want to give you something more than just those same old boring “look, I´ve been real busy” explanations. That shit is just the blogger whining for attention until someone rubs his belly in the comments section.
So, to make this real interesting, I suggest we do this as a game. Yeah! I know! Fuckin´A!
Let´s do this! Here are the rules:
You will not talk about Fight Club Um. No, that´s not what we´re doing here.
You will not talk about Fight Club What? No! Let´s start over.
You will not talk about Fi Er. This is rather embarassing. See, I saw that movie a while ago and now I can´t seem to write anything about rules without it turning into a Fight Club joke. It´s a condition I have.
Okay, I´ll give it one more try:
Look, just guess which excuses are correct, ok? The one who gets the most points is the winner.
Excuse 1: Day job was hectic for quite some time there.
Excuse 2: I had a whole month´s vacation – first one since I was a kid!
Excuse 3: I moved to another city.
Excuse 4: Hardware problems.
Excuse 5: I joined a cult.
Excuse 6: A dog ate my Internet.
Excuse 7: An Internet ate my dog.
Excuse 8: Ha! I don´t even have a dog and am in fact making all this up because I´m too lazy to come up with a proper explanation.
Excuse 9: Shit, I just revealed my cunning plan there. That was probably a bad move.
Excuse 10: I joined a kickass writers´ collective that consists of some of the best freelance talent of a certain major website I´ve been writing for.
Excuse 11: I´ve just been busy preparing and researching a bunch of articles and pitches that are nearing their completion. From now on I´m going to update this blog at least once a week, as a rule.
…rule? Wait, shit! I didn´t mean to —
You will not talk about Fight Cl You will not talk about F You will not talk You will not
(Correct answers will be posted tomorrow!)