Pet products that should be outlawed as animal abuse

It seems that nowadays there´s four animal rights activists for every actual animal. Yet no one seems to mind that crap like this is around.


Technically this is a very practical idea for removing the unpleasant squish factor from shit picking. Still, we must question the idea of giving a grumpy pet owner that is tasked with picking said poop – and may very well be used to occasionally discipline the pet with some water from a spray bottle – a spray bottle of goddamn freezing agent. Your Labrador is just one sleepy morning walk and some misguided muscle memory away from a chance to perfect its T-1000 imitation. (albeit the product “only” freezes till -62F).
Also, for it to work on the turd, you need to spray it all over. You need to manually flip the poop.


Nail polish for dogs and cats. Both of which have an acute sense of smell and a natural aversion for people touching their nails.
From an user´s point of view: have you ever tried to give a cat a bath? If so, you´re an idiot, but one with some insight as to how cats behave when subjected to shit they´re not cool with. Putting nail polish on a cat is like spreading lube on a samurai´s katana while giving him the finger.


It´s an anus cover that´s tied around the tail.
You can choose from nine different models – or send them a picture for your own custom poop chute cover. Hell, be really meta and send them a picture of a dog´s butt.


Does your cat enjoy freedom? Fuck that noise!
Orange cat jumpsuit with Guantanamo insignia sold separately.


What could go wrong? Apart from dogs and cats having very sensitive skin, their fur working very differently from human hair and cats washing themselves with their tongues.



Soothe your pet with a battery operated, vibrating massage! Because every battery operating vibrating thing we´ve ever seen is completely silent and not at all a scary hell-machine to all animals.
Also, the product seems somehow familiar to us…

Ah. That´s it. Glad that it wasn´t something that would make things weird.


A DVD that promises to toilet train your kitten. No word on how it will deal with the human ass sized seat. Or, for that matter, flush.


Hey, know those laser pointers that dogs and cats go absolutely nuts about and are unable to leave alone? Well, now they can chase them forever and ever and ever and ever.


“No, it´s for Fluffy. Really. Not for our own amusement at all.”


“Wanna go for a walk, Dave?”
“Yeah, sure. But what about Buster? I´m not comfortable leaving him alone, but everybody knows dogs hate walks.”
“Don´t worry about that. I´ve got just the thing.”
Fun “justifications” for product:



Filed under Comedy

4 responses to “Pet products that should be outlawed as animal abuse

  1. This man for president. Case fucking closed.

  2. Ahh, you made my day. Nice.

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