8 real restaurants that must be secretly operated by supervillains

 
1. HELL PIZZA

What we have here is a New Zealand based pizza parlor with a Hell theme. Nothing new there,  must be thousands of bars and restaurants out there flirting with devil imagery. Hell Pizza, however, takes its game a lot further than the rest.
A fun running gag for the company is deadly sin themed pizzas, such as Lust Pizza:

Yes, that is a pizza/Durex collaboration.
Pizzas also come in fun, themed shapes:

And what would be better as a properly themed tie-in product with your Lust Pizza than…

Of course, one must also think of the packaging:

And who would be the perfect spokesperson for a good devil themed pizza joint?

Yeah, I guess that makes sense. Wait, no it doesn´t.
In case you´re still doubting Hell Pizza´s credentials, an amusing little true story:

In 2008, a man called Walter Scott offered to sell his soul to the company, which of course promptly bought it. It was worth $5001.
 

 

Who´s probably behind it:

 

2. NINJA NEW YORK

 

A Ninja themed restaurant in, no shit, New York. The customers are served by sword and nunchaku wielding assassins that also provide entertainment with shuriken tricks and suchlike.

It´s probably better not to complain about the food. 

  

Who´s probably behind it:

  

No turtle soup on the menu, but boy is he trying.

 

3. RISING SUN ANGER RELEASE BAR

 

A bar in Japan where customers may vent stress caused by shopping sprees and 90-hour work weeks. How? By breaking stuff and attacking the staff, that´s how.

The staff, it should be mentioned, looks like this:

 


 

Who´s probably behind it:

 
 

If you really want to screw with them, book a table as Robert Paulson.

 

4. DICK´S LAST RESORT RESTAURANT
 

Possibly the world´s only restaurant chain with a (deliberate) “fucking with the customer” theme. Patrons of Dick’s are routinely insulted and placed in uncomfortable gag situations such as being forced to wear a paper hat with insults scribbled on it by the waiters:
 

The restaurant has honed its one-upping  skills to the point of the rudeness possibly not happening at all if they see that you are expecting it.

  

Who´s probably behind it:

 
 

  

5. HEART ATTACK GRILL

 

A super greasy fast food joint in Arizona that is up front about its products: in fact they straight up tell you  their products are going to kill you. Any minute now.  Uses sexism and health complaints as part of its  marketing strategy, offers free burgers for the morbidly obese.

 

Who´s probably behind it:

 

 

6. PRINCESS HEART

 

A café/restaurant in Tokyo, where staff are servants and customers are pretty, pretty princesses in a fairy forest, sitting on cute little thrones, sipping champagne and eating whatever the hell it is princesses eat. A major flytrap for young women embracing their inner royalty.

  

Who´s probably behind it:

 

Let´s see… who has the motivation to pamper people as princesses? It´s almost as if someone was trying to lure in actual princesses...

Ah.

 

 

7. HITLER´S CROSS 

A Bombay restaurant that set up a predictable shitstorm with a Hitler theme. Apparently the logic behind this one was that everyone knows Hitler so he´ll make a great mascot!

It´s still there, though under a different name – the owners noticed their initial décor wrought havoc on the sales and begrudgingly shoved all their precious nazi memorabilia in a closet for the time people will be ready for their grand vision.


  

Who´s probably behind it:

 

  

8. CALICO CAT CAFE

It´s a café. Where you eat and drink. While petting cats. Because Japan.


 You want fries with that?

 

Who´s probably behind it:

 

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4 Comments

Filed under Comedy

4 responses to “8 real restaurants that must be secretly operated by supervillains

  1. Ashton James Whithers

    Actually, cat cafes are rather popular. I live in Korea, and there is one down the street, as well as a couple more in town, and if you go to Seoul, there are probably twenty or thirty such places. You walk in, and they force you to buy a $6 coffee (with cookies!), and then you can stay as long as you want. I went once, because I rather like cats, and just for the novelty factor, but it was a little weird. The main clientel are junior high girls, and I am a teacher, so I felt quite out of place. Oh, and there were cats. Lots of cats.

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