On shutting up fools

This is not mine. This is from a poster at a forum I frequent, from before I frequented it.

It is, however, something that makes me happy every time I think about it.

The backstory, as I understand it, goes like this: once upon a time, there was a poster called Dr.Ron. He wrote rather eloquent sentences, and was therefore a natural target for the LOLFAG people.

One day one of them, going by the name of Sivor, heckled at Ron a bit too much. The post that was the last straw went:

Why do you talk like such a fag?
Is it because you’re gay?

Classy.

Ron didn´t respond immediately. The heckler probably had enough time to think he had won whatever fight he imagined had been going on.

Right up until Ron answered the call with this:

On Homosexuality
A sonnet, by Dr.Ron

Shall I fuck thee like a little bitch?
Thou art as whiney and as much in heat.
Thy dimpled cheeks dost set mine loins atwitch,
And seek impalement upon my rigid meat.
Sometimes too florid does my speech appear,
Juxtaposéd with thine porcine squeals;
But even thee shall turn a deafened ear
When shaft of mine, thine puckered anus feels.

But soon thy favoured status shall decline
As gaping hole no longer can entrance;
You’ll miss acute this eloquence of mine
As dear you’ll rue the absence of my lance.
So mark mine words, siv0r, and mark them well:
Old Nick will have thine crackwhore ass in Hell.

I am currently holding a small glass of whisky in my hand, and I raise it to this person for beating a fool like a fool should be beaten: with class, yet without mercy.

Godspeed, Ron, wherever you are. Godspeed.

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7 Comments

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7 responses to “On shutting up fools

  1. VilleP

    I would just love to read YOUR fictive answer in the persona of Dr.Ron to the “HE could’ve stabbed ME” dude from the bus stop.

  2. That would probably be closer to the poetry of Mike Tyson than that of William Shakespeare.
    Seen that guy a couple of times in passing, apparently we have a similar commuting schedule. He´s been real careful in avoiding eye contact.

  3. DrunktankDan

    Just started reading your site after checking out one of your cracked articles. This has to be the biggest reward for randomly clicking a link I have ever encountered. I can’t stop laughing.

  4. siv0r

    Believe it or not, I am siv0r, and would like to point out that he did in fact pwn me well. But I considered him a friend, or at least admirable–it was not a “LOLFAG” kind of thing, it was just the kind of banter that was more common in the earlier days of the PWOT forum. I can’t really remember the context of why I said what I did, but I can assure you I joined in with the laughter at his retort. Heartily.

  5. lurker

    siv0r wasn’t really a random lolfag guy though
    in fact he was an admin at the old pwot for a while, or so i heard

    still an incredible piece of comedic gold, of course

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