On shark coitus

The Sea Life London aquarium has a big problem. They have imported a zebra shark, Zorro, from Belgium at great cost. They have given him huge living quarters, all the henchmen he can eat and a beautiful, bootyful lady shark by the name of Mazawabee. And they have asked nothing in return, except for one thing.

That he´d hump her.

Not a bad deal for Zorro, right? Well, he seems to think otherwise. A renowned playboy back in Belgium, big Z has to this day taken little to no interest towards his arranged fianceé. Nobody knows why he´s not chasing fin in London like he did in Belgium. Maybe Zorro knows that this is the end of the line and is protesting the shotgun wedding nature of his situation. Or maybe Mazawabee is just butt-ugly.

Nah. Who wouldn´t tap that?

Now, it must be said that the staff of Sea Life London seems to have studied in the “special needs” school of marine biology. They introduced Zorro to Mazawabee on Valentine´s day, probably by first getting them both drunk, then shoving them on the back seat of someone´s dad´s Sedan.

The staff were completely baffled when this didn´t have the desired effect.

The next logical (to them, that is) step was to introduce some suitable music to get them “in the mood”.

Enter the Walrus of Love.


Can you feel it, Zorro? Can you?

There can be no more fitting memory to the late, great Barry White than the fact that – even after featuring prominently on Ally McBeal for years on end – he is still considered cool and sexy enough to make sharks fuck. Because yeah, that´s what we´re talking about here.

They are. Using. Barry White songs. To make. Sharks. Fuck.

…And how cool it would be for old Barry´s legacy if that was the last sentence here. Alas, such is not the case.
So far his music hasn´t done a thing about Zorro´s libido. So now the good people of Sea Life are planning to move things up a notch… by switching to Wet Wet Wet.

Oohhhh shit.


Expect a dramatic increase in shark suicides in near future.

Source: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/6054368/Barry-White-songs-used-to-encourage-shark-to-mate-in-aquarium.html

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